There is a question that my wife and I have been answering and trying to answer for well over a decade now. It was a question that was first posed to us when we lived in Maine and although we thought we have answered it over the years it appears it is a question we must keep answering. It seems every time we answer with yes and move forward the question gets asked again and we are once again faced with answering it. With each asking, the result of the answer gets more and more intense and stakes get higher.
The question is a simple one and its genesis is important. I was working second shift and the evenings were dead. We really did not need a second shift, but I was there just in case. Being the newest employee, I drew the short straw. I did not mind too much because it provided my wife the opportunity to work during the day and I was able to do a lot of reading. This was a time of tremendous growth in my walk with Christ. I was tearing through the Bible and other resources. I was reading everything I could get my hands on and wrestling with the Lord about all sorts of questions. I missed my wife and family, but I needed to work anyway, and this provided a great opportunity to pay bills, learn more in my industry, and grow in Christ. In hindsight, this was a great blessing. One night while reading, I came across Luke 14:33 where Christ says, “So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake (bid adieu) all that he has cannot be My disciple.” In that moment I felt God ask me clear as day ask me “are you willing to forsake all and follow me?” Being a dedicated and passionate young man who was ready to take on the world I said, “of course Lord.” I said yes but I really was not willing to forsake all. I wanted to be ready, but truth be told I was not, and neither was my wife.
There was a lot of growth and healing that needed to occur in both of us before we would be willing and little did we know at the time that the willingness is a continual willingness and not a one-time deal. It is like carrying your cross in that it is a daily exercise and not a one and done. The initial question and failing did start a process that I am grateful for. I would have chosen an easier path, but I am still grateful for the one we have.
We thought we answered the question when I left my job to be self-supported so we could spend more time in ministry. We thought we answered the question when we tried to move to Spokane for missionary flight school. We thought we answered the question when we started doing foster care. We thought we answered the question when we moved to Knoxville to finish school. We thought we answered the question when we decided to leave everything to go to France for 2-months and have nothing when we return. The problem is that the question keeps getting asked and the stakes keep getting higher.
Just to be clear when we say yes to the question, we are not forsaking stuff. Yes, stuff usually has to go but that is only a very small part, and the first part, of what we are forsaking. Stuff usually has to go because things have a way of distracting us from what God wants to do in us. Things are not inherently bad but they can be blockers. We must move beyond worrying about stuff. I believe that what we are really doing is forsaking the knowledge and limitations we place on God. We are admitting that there is more to this God we serve than we currently know, and we want to know more of Him. This is what God wants from us. He wants us to surrender our hearts, our wills, and our limitations. He wants us to seek Him because in seeking Him we find more than we could ever know. He is infinite and while we will never reach the end of Him, but we can keep going deeper. We can learn more of who He is, what He is capable of, and how vast is His wonder.
The good news is that He has shown Himself faithful and wise every time. Each and every time He asks, and we get it somewhat right things shift in our lives in profound and huge ways. We know what we want, and we believe we know what He has said in this season, but the truth is that our job is to seek Him, follow Him, and answer the question when He asks it.
Part of me wishes this was the last time He asks the question because even an adventure seeking, change-loving man like me wants a little stability. I am the first one to want to do something new, but I do still like comfort and routine to a degree. But I would never trade this crazy Jesus following life for anything. So here I sit waiting until we go to France for 2-months and waiting for God to ask the question again. I sit in expectation, in anticipation, and in faith. Waiting to hear the voice of my Lord. I sit here thinking about my life and once again I am willing to say Adieu to what I know in order to move into what I do not.
Just a thought,