Born to grow

It should be no secret to anyone who reads my little thoughts that the Gospel of John is my favorite book. It should be clear that when I say it is my favorite book I don’t just mean my favorite biblical book either. No, it is my favorite book of all time. Moreover, my favorite part is the prologue section (verses 1-18). There is so much depth, beauty, and theological truth in that one section that it captivates me every time I read it. I will be honest, and I am sure this does not happen to you, but sometimes I have a tendency to read my Bible and skip over things I am familiar with and while this does happen on occasion with John’s prologue I always go back and re-read it carefully because it draws me in.

As I have mentioned elsewhere the main point of this section is verse 12 because it sits right in the middle of the chiastic pattern. The beauty of it is highlighted by John 20:31 where John says that everything that has been written was written so that you might believe Jesus is the Christ and that in believing you might have life. The beauty is that Jesus just wants you to live and to be a child of God.

But as many as received Him to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believed in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. – John 1:12-13 (NKJV)

I have been following Christ for a long time now and I am still captivated by this simple idea that God loves me and wants to call me son. He does not have to but He wants to. He does not require me to do something to earn that sonship, He does not force it upon me, and He does not threaten to take it away. He just loves with a passion for me. I cannot escape that simple yet profound truth.

God’s great and wonderful love compels me to be different. Yes, Christ places commands upon me but His love compels me to comply. I do not do things differently because I must but because I desire to please the one I love. I desire to be better because He believes in me. I desire to grow, to live sacrificially, and to mature because the one who loves me sees me that way. The funny thing is that the more I grow and mature the more I realize I am not as good as I previously thought. The more I control my temper the more I realize I have much work to do. The more I give the more I realize I am not as giving as I desire to be. The more I love others the more I realize I do not express it enough. The more I become like Christ the more I realize I am still too Mike.

I catch glimpses of who I am to be but the picture is not clear. I daily confirm what Paul says in 1 Cor 13:12 that I see in dimly in a mirror. My prayer is that of the hymn Come, Jesus, Reign in Me “All foes cast out, let this poor heart Be filled with love divine; Securely fixed, no more to part. From this poor heart of mine.” And to be clear it is not a pressure or a feeling like I am not good enough but a desire to be more like Him who loves me. I desire to be that man. I desire to be that son.

The love of God should change you and if it does not you should question whether or not you understand that love. It would be like saying that you do not desire to be different for your spouse. Not that you have to change for them to want you or love you but because you are in a relationship with them you naturally want to be a better husband or wife. The love that exists between the two of you creates an environment where you can grow. If you do not think you have growing to do then I would suggest there is much growing to do. The relationship you have with God our Father does not only create the environment to allow for change but because the Holy Spirit indwells believers you also have the power to change. God gives us the desire, the environment, and the ability to change. All we need to do is walk it out in humble obedience. Trust me on this, the walk is worth it.

For perfect love I long have groaned,
I would be wholly Thine;
Yes, I would have the Lord enthroned
In this poor heart of mine.

Come, Jesus, reign in me,
My heart Thy throne shall be;
Oh, tarry in Thy throne,
’Tis Thine, and Thine alone.

All foes cast out, let this poor heart
Be filled with love divine;
Securely fixed, no more to part
From this poor heart of mine.

Let perfect love my portion be,
To Thee my all resign;
O Holy One, come dwell in me,
And rule this heart of mine.

No earthly language can express
The love in Christ I find
’Tis boundless and it’s measureless,
In this poor heart of mine.

Come, Jesus, Reign in Me

H.R. Jeffery, 1885

Just a thought,

Mike

 

Grace AND Truth

I am reading through the Gospel of John and I came across the story of the woman at the well and I can’t help but see a connection between the way Jesus interacted with her and the way she then interacted with the people in the village.

Had Jesus been hard on her for her past she would not have been so willing to go and tell everyone about the “man who told me everything I have done.” Don’t get me wrong Jesus did not sugar coat it for this woman but even after that she was happy and went and told everyone. The reason, I can only assume, was that Jesus spoke the truth in love. Remember that Jesus is full of grace and truth. Don’t miss that He is full of grace AND truth.

I know a lot of people who are full of it but no one, not even myself, who is full of grace AND truth. Some people are big on grace but no so much on truth. Others are big on truth but not so much on grace. Jesus has this amazing way of being truthful, direct, and honest with us while being graceful and dealing gently with us wayward sons and daughters.

Had Jesus just been truth she might not have gone and told everyone about Him. Had Jesus only been graceful she might have just sat around thinking about it. But because Jesus is both she went and told everyone.

I suppose the question remaining is “Are we close enough to Jesus to be like Him and give people grace AND truth?”

Just a thought,

Mike

New Book

I am days away from finishing my first book. It is little (about 10k words) but I am very excited. The book goes through Colossians chapter 3 and discusses the first priority we have in our attempts to become the husband, father, wife, mother, and employee we want to be as well as some direction from the Bible on how to be that person. The book may end up on Amazon but for now, I will have a page on my website where you can download it for free in either ePub or PDF. Because I am so excited I have an excerpt below. I hope you enjoy it and it is a blessing to you. It has been a huge blessing for me to write it and spend time with God creating it.

Excerpt From “First Things First”

I would like to give you seven easy steps to be a better husband, father, wife, mother, or employee. It would be nice to give you some simple steps that you can do and then claim that these steps would radically change your life. I would like to, but I cannot. I am sure there is a book at a store near you that can do this, and I am sure that in that book it will list things like take the time to notice things, slow down, learn to say no, be in the moment, don’t rush, remember to breathe, and so on. There will also be a few good stories in the book that illustrate what happens when you follow and or don’t follow these principles. I would even imagine that in this book there will be a section dedicated to having a deep and powerful connection with Jesus.

However, because that book has been written a hundred times I will not go there. Instead, we will look at one part of what those books talk about – Having a deep and powerful connection with Jesus. I am of the opinion, and I hope to persuade you to be as well, that the first and most important step in becoming a better husband, father, wife, mother, or employee is to have not only that deep and powerful relationship with Jesus but to be secure in that relationship. I would go so far as to claim that minus anything other than that being the most important part of the process of becoming a better person the rest of your efforts are in vain.

What is hope?

Do you have hope? What is your hope? In Colossians chapter 1 Paul mentions hope four times and that might not sound like a lot because a lot of words are repeated throughout the chapter and throughout the Bible in general so what makes, or should make a word like hope stand out?

Not all words are created equal. Words like love, freedom, victory and hope carry more weight than other words. For example, if you are in sales then a word like “discount” carries more weight than other words. When you are talking to a customer and they hear the word “discount” it will make their ears perk up. Use it two or three times in the conversation and you have their attention. If you are talking to your kids (little kids) and you mention a snack they instantly pay a little more attention because a word like “snack” means something more to them. The same thing holds true here in Colossians 1 with the word “hope.”

Hope as is typically used means something along the lines of “want something to happen or be the case” but that is not what the word means in Greek. In Greek, hope, as used here, means “confident expectation” which is to say you know this is a thing is going to happen. The difference is huge because in the typical usage definition you would like something to be true but in the Bible (especially in Colossians) you know it to be true.

I think we get it. Let’s look at Colossians 1:27 which says, “God wanted to make known among the Gentile (non-Jews) the glorious wealth of this mystery which is Christ in you the hope of glory.” With the understanding of what hope is in biblical terms, we can read this and see that Christ in us is the confident expectation of glory. What a relief! I don’t have to be great or good enough but Christ in me is good enough. Jesus is the answer to the question of what does God want from me. All my work can be laid down and I can rest in Jesus’ finished work on the cross. I can rest from my labor and take His yoke. I can stop trying to figure out how to make myself good enough because it is Christ in me that is good enough.

Hope is such a powerful word. Hope is an amazing thing because the hope is Christ, not my better performance. If we back up and look at two of the other uses of hope in chapter 1 we read that we can love others because of our hope in Christ (Col 1:5a). We can love others the way we should and want to because of the hope of Christ. The pressure to perform or be self-sufficient is gone because of Jesus. The hope (confident expectation) we have in Jesus frees us to love others.

The hymn writer Edward Mote wrote “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.” Our hope is built or founded in Christ and on His work. This brings us to the second point which is that our understanding of this hope is found in the Gospel (Col 1:5b). Because of the message of the Gospel and the confirmation from the Holy Spirit we can understand that there is hope. The Holy Spirit brings the truth of the Gospel to life in us and produces fruit. The hope of Christ is not pie in the sky but is a living hope that is useful and producing fruit in us now.

I will close with this thought from Paul in Romans 5:5 “Now hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Hope is not only an amazing and wonderful thing but if your hope is in Christ, and that is the key, then it will not disappoint because Jesus is faithful. He is always faithful and will always be faithful because He cannot be anything but faithful. That might now always show in the way you want but it will always be true. You can count on that.

Just a thought,

Mike

Paint by Numbers or Create a Masterpiece

Given the choice between guiding and directing I would choose to direct but to paraphrase Blaise Pascal, “it is better for people to figure it out themselves.”[1] It occurs to me that people are not necessarily opposed to being directed but that directing does not mean as much and is not as transformational to them long term as if they were guided to the truth. This is the difference between paint but numbers and an open canvas. You could theoretically produce the same result but only one is truly art.

If we look at anything from cheating on a test to cheating on a spouse the reasons are usually based of should or shouldn’t. We do not cheat on our spouses because it is wrong, we do not steal money because we should think about the consequences, or whatever other situation you can think of. The reasons are measured by weight and whichever is heavier is the winner. This leads us to compromising situations because as the holder of the scales we can make adjustments to fit our desire.

We should think about right and wrong. The Bible is solid on this matter and we are told we have God’s law written on our hearts (Rom 2:15). There is a clear right and wrong in most situations so there is a matter of right and wrong to consider. However, if the desire to please God, living of a life of faith and obedience is not at the forefront of hearts and minds then weighing right and wrong will do little good because it is the same as directing. We can be led to a place that we do not necessarily want to be because the choice to go there was not ours.

The question that needs to be settled before we look at right and wrong is do I have a desire to please God and live a life of faith, love, and obedience? Do I at my very core want to live in fellowship with my God and those around me? When we first look to fulfill the royal law of love we do not have to weigh other choices most of the time. We could think that yes it would be easy to XXX but I don’t want to because I want to show love to my God. The answer to the one question removes the need to even worry about other questions. If you have decided in your heart that you want to show your spouse extravagant love then you do not need to answer the question of cheating because you have answered a higher question. If you decided that you want to learn and know the information from school then you do not need to answer the question of cheating on a test because that would violate the first answer.

Often times we get ourselves into trouble because we are asking and answering the wrong questions much like looking at symptoms instead of the cause. When we decide to get deep and go the core of a situation we avoid so much unnecessary heartache and unneeded battles. If we can get to the point where like Joshua we say “as for me and my house we will serve the LORD” then we do not have to wonder whom we serve or what we will do. The choice you make to start with determines whether you are painting your life as a masterpiece or just going through the process like a paint by numbers. My suggestion – Paint a masterpiece.

Just a thought,

Mike

 

[1] The proper quote from Blaise Pascal is “we are generally more effectually persuaded by reasons we have ourselves discovered than by those which have occurred to others.”

Perspective Groups

Abstract

This article will discuss a suggestion which is not a new idea but a discovery of an old idea. I am calling these groups Perspective Groups but they have gone by various names throughout Church history (fellowship, Banden, Bands, etc.). The importance as I see it is not the discovery of these groups as many know of them but the idea that they may work as preemptive care in the church which could lead to decreasing the need for deeper counseling.

Article

In C.S. Lewis’s classic book The Screwtape Letters, Screwtape writes to Wormwood and directs him in ways to stop the client from listening to and following God. Most of the tactics involve diversion, thought blocking or thought allowing with one line, in particular, standing out where Screwtape says “there is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human’s mind.”[1] The issue it would seem is perceptive because if a person’s focus is on self-worries they cannot be on God at the same time. In speaking with Pastor Scott Crawford, he echoed this by saying that about ninety percent of what takes place during his counseling sessions is perceptive change. I am greatly indebted to Scott for providing me with some ideas that acted as springboard for this article. Both from a specific conversation about counseling and from his constant reiteration of what it means to be a New Testament church.

Perspective is a question that must be addressed during counseling in general but especially in Christian counseling. This is true of both pastoral and lay counseling. Scott added that the method he employs is based on perspective and specifically looks at where is God in this situation, where are they, how is God moving, and what would it look like to give God this situation. All of these questions together help to change the way the person seeking counsel looks at the situation.

It has been suggested that one of the greatest unmet needs in the church is more regular counsel. This is not to say that everyone is constantly going through a dark night of the soul but that often people need someone else to talk to because their perspectives are off. Perspectives can be off for a variety of reasons yet a primary reason is that man lives in a sinful and fallen world that taints the way life is viewed. What generally happens is that the focus is adjusted a little day by day and without godly counsel, one can go along and not realize that they are off. It is in that need that I see an opportunity for incorporating or adding lay counseling.

Most churches have some form of a pastoral care team but they are mostly dedicated to hospital visits and prayer needs. These are great needs but regular counsel could be a preventive measure in the church much like taking a supplement is to one’s health. By regular counsel I mean either believers gathering together for a time of encouragement and worship with the focus being on realigning their sights on Christ by discussing their current life situations or possibly by individuals being raised up to do this on a one on one basis, the former will be presented here. While this sound like a small group it is different because as with anything else intent determines the road you travel and the sights you see.

Looking back at the bands in the early Methodist movement and even its precursor the Banden groups of the Moravian church, there is a common theme of constant lay fellowship and confession. While these confessions were primarily focused on confessing sins to one another they do provide an interesting case study in what happens when lay people bear their souls to one another. What can be seen in sum is numerical growth occurred the church as a whole but more importantly to this topic in the rise of Christ-like living by the members of those early movements.

For the Banden of the Moravians the growth and transformation of the members is partly attributed to the “degree of intimacy and openness that they facilitated.”[2] These members who were lay people of the Anglican church “held a mirror up to one another’s lives” which allowed them to counsel one another regularly.[3] As mentioned, while these groups spent a good deal of time confessing sins to another what was more important is that they were able “to avoid self-deception and to search their own hearts more fully.”[4] In essence, they confessed not only their sins but their hearts and because of this, they were true and deep spiritual friends to one another.

It is in the context of continually realigning focus on Christ that real preventative care can take place. If believers are coming together regularly to share their burdens and others are coming alongside them with biblical help, then readjusting perspectives is that that much easier. Anyone who has visited a chiropractor can attest that the first couple of visits are difficult and not entirely rewarding but it is after multiple visits or routine care that one feels the benefits of such service. An individual is no longer needing major realignment to the spine but small adjustments to keep it aligned. The individuals of a perspective group all become active ministers of reconciliation and as Todd Hardin says in discussing the role of lay councilors they are able to “serve as Spirit-filled administrators of God’s grace” which benefits those receiving counsel and those giving it.[5] This, of course, assumes that all attending such a group are mature Christ following individuals which while possible is unlikely. What is more likely is that there will be some who are trained to be spiritual friends who can then facilitate the preventative care groups.

James Emerson who looked at medical models and compared them to ministry suggests that lay counselors are like first responders or support aids. First responders and aids are not trained to handle complex medical diagnosis or setup long term care plans. Instead, these first responders, depending on the field, act as either intermediaries or companions in a time of need. These ministers should not think the full burden of complete care rests on their shoulders but instead when needed “referral is made to the professional.”[6] The training that is required is less certificate drive than medical fields and more “diligent study, deep reflection, and personalized application of Scripture.”[7] Training plans are different because it requires an understanding of the relationship believers have with their God.

Returning to the early Methodist movement, John Wesley and his friends at Oxford used “probing spiritual conversations” which was one specific mark of the early movement.[8] Moreover, “for Wesley, the bands were essential” because they were how the individual was able to pursue holiness which is another way of saying to be more like Christ.[9] This becoming more like Christ is the goal of all Christians and should be a goal in lay counseling. History, as well as the Bible, seem to suggest that this becoming more like Christ takes place in the fellowship of believers supporting one another and devoting themselves to God (Acts 2:42; Col 3:16; Jn 13:34).

There are of course many challenges to spiritual care and as Rick Marrs points out spiritual friends “face many new challenges from this secularizing culture.”[10] Because the church fights against the elemental forces of this world (Col 2:20) there will always be push back against Christians who might want to join such a preventive care group and this makes the commitment that much harder. This again shows the importance of training for leaders so they know how to comfort those who might receive a rebuke from the world for willingly sharing their soul regularly (1 Jn 4:4-5).

Part of the training that is needed is to help leaders understand that they should not over spiritualize or minimize situations. There are times and situations when perspective change is not what is required but medical intervention. If a simple physical situation is looked at as an example sometimes a child falls and hurts their arm. There is no damage but they need comfort that all is well. Other times a child might fall and break their arm. This still requires comfort but it also requires trained medical intervention. The human mind is not all that different as sometimes all that is required is comfort and other times what is required is comfort and medical intervention so Christians should be “open to… treatments for mental disorders.”[11]

In proposing a structure for these preventative care groups, a study of traditional small groups suggests “8-15 people, typically of the same stage of life.”[12] However, there are a few reasons why using the methods of a traditional small group might not work. As previously mentioned intent determines the road traveled and the intent here is not fellowship and instruction but preventative care through perspective change. If participants are going to receive perspective change then limiting the group to individuals of the same stage of life could be prohibitive. What is not needed is a group of people who share the same struggles but people who share the same struggles and people who have overcome such struggles. That being said the number of eight to fifteen seems to be reasonable as any more than fifteen can lead to having “individuals benefit from a collective good” but not add value to the group.[13] Frequency is another item that must be examined but this should be left up to the group to decide if they meet weekly, bi-weekly or even monthly. Meeting too regularly may inhibit the bearing of one’s soul but too infrequently may cause others to stray. Wisdom and discernment for the group’s well-being and spiritual growth are needed here.

It should not be assumed that these groups would have widespread attendance throughout the church. After all, not all members of a church attend a normal small group and the previously mentioned study of small groups found that megachurches have, roughly, a sixty percent attendance in small groups.[14] If not all members participate in a standard small group then it should not be expected all members would participate in a perceptive group. That being said, what is expected is that there are those who would attend and more importantly that would benefit from such a group.

Closing

In closing and returning to Lewis’s book, Screwtape writes to Wormwood and says that the best method of keeping one away from God is to “turn their gaze away from Him [and] towards themselves.”[15] Life is busy and pain is real there should be no question about this, however, to take the time to reflect and readjust the perceptive towards Christ is of utmost importance. By taking the time to change focus and realign our sights on God we are able to prevent many problems and avoid unnecessary treatment later on. Will perspective groups accomplish this task? I am inclined by history and the Bible to think they will but only if the intent is for the individuals to see Christ in their life more clearly.

 

[1] C.S. Lewis, “The Screwtape Letters: and Screwtape proposes a toast” (New York: HarperOne, 2013), 44 accessed March 23, 2017, Axis 360.

[2] Kevin M. Watson, “Forerunners of the Early Methodist Band Meeting” Methodist Review 2, (January 2010): 12, accessed March 15, 2017, EBSCOhost.

[3] Ibid., 13

[4] Ibid.

[5] Todd Hardin, “Becoming a More “Biblical” Counselor: A Guide for Lay Counseling Students.” Puritan Reformed Journal 7, no. 1 (January 2005): 197, accessed March 21, 2017, Religion and Philosophy Collection, EBSCOhost.

[6] James G. Emerson, “Lay pastoral counseling: thoughts and response.” The Journal Of Pastoral Care 40, no. 4 (December 1986): 305, accessed March 21, 2017, ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials, EBSCOhost.

[7] Hardin, 196

[8] Watson, 20

[9] Ibid., 31

[10] Rick R. Marrs, “Christian counseling: the past generation and the state of the field,” Concordia Journal 40, no. 1 (January 2014): 35, accessed March 23, 2017, ATLA Religion Database with ATLASerials EBSCOhost.

[11] Ibid., 33

[12]Kevin D. Dougherty, and Andrew L. Whitehead, “A Place to Belong: Small Group Involvement

in Religious Congregations,” Sociology Of Religion 72, no. 1 (March 2011): 99, accessed March 23, 2017, Sociological Collection EBSCOhost.

[13] Dougherty and Whitehead, 93.

[14] An exception would be Yoido Full Gospel Church in Seoul, South Korea which is claims to be a cell group church with nearly all 800,000 members participating in small group. Ibid, 96.

[15] Lewis, 39

God’s Pleasure

In reading Ephesians we see that it was God’s pleasure to adopt us as sons in Christ (1:5) and if that was not enough He then gives us an inheritance (1:11). God did not adopt us to just rescue us and place us in the back of the room to be quiet. We can get caught up in the day-to-day of life and think that now that I am saved I need to stay in line or walk the walk. While this is true to an extent because we should be changed the problem like so many things in life is the intent. If the intent is “being good” or “being good enough” then we will fall because we cannot be good or good enough. Instead, the intent should be on being in fellowship. Christianity is a relational religion. What I mean by that is Christ is in us (Col 3:3) and we in Him. God adopted us to give us the greatest inheritance of all which is a relationship with Him.

Looking back at Abraham, who is the father all who believe (Rom 4:11), God told him in Gen 15:1 that He would be his reward and in 17:7 that He would be his God. What an amazing inheritance we have that Yahweh the creator and sustainer of heaven and earth is our God and Father. We have a God that desires intimacy with us and is in us. This encourages me so much because it means I do not walk this walk alone but I walk it faith with God. What a difference that makes.

Think of like when you are learning to ride a bike. After the training wheels come off your parents (or whoever is teaching you) holds on to you while you ride. You are riding the bike but the one teaching is actually keeping you up. In the same way, God is holding on to you. Yes, you are riding the bike but God is holding on to you. You do not have to, as if you could, try to walk this walk alone. God who sustains the universe is sustaining you right now.

Just a thought,
Mike

Why does God allow suffering

 

There is a song called Hurricane by Jimmy Needham that has always resonated with me because in the song he sings “I need you like a hurricane… to tear my walls down.” The song is about needing God to come into our lives and remove the walls we have built up. The walls as I see it represent anything from the places in our lives we have blocked God off from to the protections we place around our sins and insecurities. We all have walls we have built and whether we realize it or not only God tear down those walls.

In chapter Ten of Spiritual Friends Kelleman goes over five possible purposes of suffering and while the topic has long been discussed by many I do find three suggestions by Kelleman to be important to the conversation. Kelleman’s first suggestion that “in suffering, God is drawing us to Himself” is of interest because we do not often think of suffering as something that can draw us to someone.[1] Typically suffering pushes us away from something or someone yet when we stop to think that God is a Father we should be able to adjust our perspective of how we relate to the one allowing us to suffer. When faced with a situation that is causing or has caused suffering we find that God, the omnipotent and omniscient One, is the only one we can turn to give us help in our time of need. I do not want to seem as if I am making light of suffering but regardless of the situation, God is the only one who can give us peace.

We generally view things and look at life as Kelleman says “with eyeballs only” however God’s peace is not meant for the eyes but for the soul.[2] We see struggles and suffering but we feel defeat. God could, being all powerful as He is, change the circumstances but how much better is it that He gives us Himself in the midst of the suffering (Deut 31:6). Rather than miraculously make everything better, God chooses to make us new in the process which brings up Kelleman’s second point that “God is conforming us to the image of His Son.”[3] These two ideas, that God is pulling us in and changing us, are virtually inseparable.

By the very nature of the relationship the closer we get to the Father the more we develop Christlikeness. This is because it is God’s desire to make us more like the Son (Rom 8:29). Part of suffering and drawing near to God is the removal of walls that block us from submitting to His lordship. Once those walls are removed new construction can take place and we are transformed into something new. In suffering, we become more than a six-million-dollar man because we are not just better, stronger, and faster, instead, we are new.

Lastly, Kelleman says that “in suffering, God is demonstrating just how needy we are for Him” and again to sound like a broken record this follows the first point because the closer we get to God the more we should realize that we are weak.[4] If the goal is to be more like the Son, then suffering shows us how we need God to make that happen. Additionally, it shows us that we are not nearly as strong as we imagine we are. Suffering reveals our frailty.

As my wife and I continue to foster two boys my twelve-year-old daughter is starting to think herself a mother because she can point out right and wrong to the boys. She has a higher understanding of this then they do. For some reason made the connection that “I know more than they, so I am like mom” and this is a mistake on her behalf. This a mistake because she does not know nearly as much as she thinks she does. She is protected from dealing with the real issues that parents face. However, as she decides and shows she wants more responsibility we allow her to be privy to and involved in certain things. She quickly becomes overwhelmed and realizes that she needs us to be the parents. She cannot be a parent on her own, nor should she be. We allow her to suffer a bit in order to teach her that she needs us to be the ones in charge so that she can be a child.

God, in suffering, allows us to be children even though the goal is maturity. In suffering, we see that we need Him because we are weak. In suffering God makes us more like Christ because intimacy changes who you are from the inside out. In suffering, God pulls us into Himself to reveal a Fathers’ heart. What we often need is the thing we most often avoid, we need God to be a hurricane and tear down the walls we build.

 

[1] Robert W. Kellemen, Spiritual Friends: A Methodology of Soul Care and Spiritual Direction, (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2005), 200

[2] Ibid 201

[3] Kelleman, 200

[4] Ibid., 200

But Now

Once you were alienated and hostile in your minds because of your evil actions. But now He has reconciled you by His physical body through His death, to present you holy, faultless, and blameless before Him. – Col 1:21-22

The main thing that sticks out to me in this verse is “But Now.” But now is powerful because it transitions from what was to what is. Those in Christ used to be alienated but now they are not. They used to be far from God but now they are not. They used to be enemies with God but now they are not. The but now transitions and I love transitions. The problem is transitions are not always smooth and we have to remember that.

People coming to Christ, those who have recently come, and even those who are deepening their walk are transitioning. They are in the but now phase and honestly, we are all in the but now phase. The but now phase is where we spend our entire Christian walk because we are constantly in a place of growing and changing. We are, or at least we should be, constantly growing in Christ and learning what it means to walk in the new man. Because of this, we need to have grace for another and support each other.

As I have said before I love analogies so here is one comparing the life of a Christian to a child. When a baby is born, it can do nothing on its own. It needs constant support and nurturing from the parents. Everything is new and different so we don’t get mad when they cry or need feeding. Instead, we understand that are weak and fragile so we treat them accordingly. As they grow they start the but now process. They begin to speak and we expect them to learn to articulate their wants and needs. We do not expect full sentences or even proper words but attempts. As they become toddlers they should be better are communicating and becoming more independent but they are still learning. We expect more from them but only what is appropriate for their age and intelligence. This continues as a toddler moves into childhood and then teenage years. We have constant expectations and desires for growth but they are always in a but now transition.

You and I are always in a but now transition too. We do not reach full maturity on this side of heaven. Paul says that we press on towards the goal because we have not reached it yet (Phil 3:13-14). We are always in a but now transition moving towards Christlikeness. The beautiful part is that the Bible says that Jesus has reconciled us. This means we move from a position of acceptance and not to a place of acceptance. The starting point makes all the difference in the world. We start in Christ, move in Christ, and finish in Christ. We have acceptance and will be presented holy, faultless, and blameless to the Father in Christ, we just need to walk in it.

 

Just a thought,

Mike

My Fear of Rejection

I think I am going to be completely honest with you today. No masks, no abstracts, and no blaming. Just pure honesty. In the past few years that I have come to realize that I have a fear of rejection. Previously I just felt unwanted so I would not attach myself to people. My relationships were not casual but they were not deep either. I would not allow people to get close enough to reject me, and anytime I thought someone might reject me I would strike first. My relationships with older men were the hardest because I wanted to have a father but knowing the damage they could do I kept mostly to female company. When I finally let down my guard and sought an older male’s guidance and leadership he let me down and it took a few years to recover.

Recently, I found that a major issue that was holding me back in ministry and life, in general, was that I was waiting on permission from a father figure. Because all my previous attempts at approval had ended like the Hindenburg landing I felt stuck and all the platitudes in the world about how God qualifies the called could not help me. I realized that while I desired male approval I had made myself into a man that other men did not feel they needed to approve of. What I mean by this is other men felt that I was “all set” or that I did not need anything from anyone. I had unwittingly created a persona that I was a man’s, man. So here I am, a man’s man who needs nothing but feels like a scrawny sixteen-year-old who craves approval. I became a contradiction.

It was not until my wife and I felt God’s clear call to plant a church that I realized I had a serious issue. Every book I have read says that if you are called to ministry then those in church leadership need to confirm or approve. My greatest fear had been realized. I now had to ask for approval from another man but that meant I had to be vulnerable. I had to take my dream, which is really an expression of myself, hand it to someone else and ask them not to crush it. After six months of deliberation, I finally did this and felt sick until the appointment. The meeting went well and I was confirmed, however, after the initial high of not bring rejected wore off I found myself not feeling much better than I did before.

I have found through prayer, Bible reading, and worship that my fear of rejection has caused me to seek man’s approval and value it over God’s election. I am now stuck between a fear of rejection from man and a desire to receive blessing and approval from God based on His grace and goodness because of Christ. How do I navigate between the two when my fear of rejection causes me to not allow people to get close to me? Do I simply allow them in without expecting or seeking validation from them? Do I not expect people to hurt me? I find that my fear of rejection has caused me to expect people to hurt me which brings up additional issues.

If I am not expecting people to hurt me or fearing their rejection how do I navigate those relationships? What am I supposed to expect in a friendship or mentor relationship? Is the purpose of these relationships simply two people both growing and traveling life together? I find that in needing God to heal me of my fear of rejection I also then need to better learn what it is to be in relationships with people. I have built my relationships, partly with an expectation of rejection and this causes me to be performance based. If I am not going to expect rejection, then it follows that I should not be performance based either but I do not know how to do anything else.

I find that I am now not only in a place of needing healing but instruction as well. I need to be healed of the pain of being rejected when I was younger which I have been working through but this idea trust-based relationships is new to me. How do I let people in when I fear their rejection and constantly fall back on my performance-based mindset? How do I move forward when I think I can perform well enough to make people want me? Maybe confession is the key here. Maybe I confide in my closest friends and become naked before them bearing my soul? I have heard it said that the best thing that could happen to you is for your deepest fears to be broadcast on the news so they are out in the open and while I am not so sure this is a good idea I think it does have a ring of truth to it. What if I am honest, actually and truly honest with my closest friends that I fear rejection and fear that I am not good enough for them?

James writes that we should confess our sins and pray for each other. I think this is partly because once they are out there they cannot be put back in the secret place. Once we expose ourselves we can move forward to a place of healing but only once we are honest. I am afraid. That is my default state. Maybe in order to move forward to a place of healing I need, to be honest about that.